Idealogies in the hope of romance.

I've just finished watching one of Hollywood's most cheesiest American chick flick productions: 'A Cinderella Story'. It's one of those films which constitutes jingly music, lightly strung guitared American pop songs, with young actors and lots of blue skies and University shots in it. I don't usually get to watch something so simple and laid back, however I decided to treat myself to a £3 Dvd in Tesco's and what better then to go back to my roots of sitting in front of the Television dreaming of some kind of whirlwhild romance, whilst watching a romantic comedy of the like.

Off course I don't think on that perspective anymore. All these films are rather psychologically blinding, especially to someone who is rather hopeful and likes to live in an idealistic fantasy of some sort. Yeah I used to be that kind of girl. Romance that never ended, kissing that never stopped, flowers, sunshine, perfection, all that bullshit that just simply doesn't exist in this life. If you think it does, then you've watched far too many sparkly, fantastical Bollywood films. Bollywood films I think are clever. I think the reason they are so exceptional is because they make them under the speculation that we as human beings hate drama (drama, drama) so they therefore create some kind of unique spectrum in their storylines, whereby everything is ultra-violet, quite illogical but spectacular, unreal but entertaining, and focal. Gosh, if life were like that psychologists would be out of business!

Listen though because this is rather interesting: An occurance somewhat linked toward the aforementioned (well partially) has happened within me. I believe it came to the point where I simply gave up on all that romantic expectancies. You know all that 'when am I going to meet someone I really like' (My God, that question didn't half run around my head while I was sleeping and awake!). Stupid wish, stupid dream, stupid ideology. Tell me, what is the point in wishing upon something so unpredictable and spontaneous like that when it cannot be fueled? It's certainly not possible to meet 'the one' for you the next day because you wish it to be. To hell with that and what's largely branded as 'wishful thinking'.

'Wishful thinking' is a dangerous one, especially if there are no boundaries or any sort of tangeable perimeter as to what you are wishing for exactly. Literally a month ago only I was wishing to meet someone: I would think deep about what I wanted and hope that in the extreme near future I was going to meet her somewhere unusual. The occurance after that would be somewhat amazing and unique between us. The classic 'swept off of my feet' jargon...

But no. Nothing of the sort has happened.

And now, I don't think about that. I don't even think about 'me' as much anymore. One month ago I was exclaiming at my appearance, pointing out dozens of 'faults'. I was listing down those visual 'mistakes' that were about me. Dumming myself down so to speak.

What a fuck up.

...and seriously, it's one month later and I really don't know how it's occured but my mindset is ever-so rapidly changing into a more optimistic one per se. Yeah I still look at myself and think 'oh shit, look what the cat brought in' but I don't pine about it. It's more of the *Shrug shoulders* type of attitute whereby I learning to appreciate what I have and be grateful that I have got everything I need to survive independently in life.

If I go to a club, I don't want to pick up. Shall I be honest? I don't care. My main priority is to socialise and network, not get so ridiculously drunk I throw up. Also not to get off with the first girl that happens to meet eye contact with me. Most of the time it's a shallow act. I say this, but there may be a few odd times that it happens. Well whatever, but those times won't be planned. I won't seek to do that kind of thing.

And that's how I like it. Those aspects of your life, you can simplify for the better. It takes time, but tweaking the way you think and the way you behave positively towards yourself and others around you...well, it's fucking worth it at the end of the day, even if it does take ages to get there...