I don't want to be at home today. I was sent home for work because my hours were apparently not scheduled. That's a mistake in itself because I remember scheduling them.
So today was not the greatest of days. I don't know, I just feel...as if I'm loosing out on something. As if something is perhaps going to go wrong any minute now. Ironically everytime I say a comment like 'life is brilliant right now. It's going really well!' something happens to occur that stunts what I just said. It's the reason why I never say that things are going well anymore, because I just don't know what will happen next.
Today at work I came across such a wonderful gesture of a dignified response to homosexuality: 'I think it's disgusting'. I happened to be sitting directly opposite this individual.
Whether any circumstance be what they are, people should start to watch out what they say in places where other people work. People should realise that where we live and how we live is very diverse. It is a simple fact of life. There are gay/transgender/lesbian/black/white/jewish/chinese etc etc all across the world, in which they exist everywhere. For a singular person to echo a response in classification of discrimation/predjudice is really not acceptable, even if it is in conversation.
I decided that I was not going to do anything about it even though it made me uncomfortable to sit close by to her, therefore moving seats. I don't hate this individual or even dislike that person, but a part of me feels that I want to keep my distance in the knowledge that this person thinks that particular way.
Understandable is it not?
Or perhaps I am being a tad dramatic.
Either way, I wish people would not have this fucking fanatic viewpoint of any kind of person be it whoever they are. What is it to anyone how anyone else conducts their life!? This is what I simply do not understand. I am certainly not flaunting it in anyone's face that I am gay, neither am I forcing myself physically or emotionally onto them, so why is it that there are people out there that feel they should flaunt their discrimatory opinions at other's who live the way they do?
It's certainly not like I walk around and try to generate hate. I never discrimate against a single person because people are who they are despite the colour of their skin, their beliefs, their viewpoints on topics of the world. I do not usher an opinion in the way in which someone lives (unless by exceptional circumstances in how they conduct their lifestyle is morally indistinct) because people are entitled to whatever path they wish to follow.
Is that not how it should be?
Some people have this fucking ridiculous belief that 'gay people choose to become gay'. That angers me. Firstly, if they are not gay, then they have absolutely no idea as to how a person establishes they're sexual identity and I can safely say that I did not choose to 'transform' into what I am. As far as I know, I was brought up and I simply just 'am' who I am. To underline that I tried to convince myself I was fully attracted to the opposite sex for eight years: that did not work. So I am assuming that it is simply not a 'quick decision', but nurtured/natured into a person from the beginning.
I shall not pretend for anyone. My belief stands for myself, and I believe that to be happy you have to accept who you are and how you have become. Ultimate happiness is established within yourself and to be happy you have to be comfortable in your own skin. I'm comforable. More then comfortable in fact: this year will be the first in which I am ten times more happier then I have ever been in my life.
So for all people who claim to be homophobic, I wish that you come to your senses at one point or another and realise that judging who a person is on the basis of a so called 'label' is incredibly narrow minded. Let those people recognise who a person is on the sole realisation of their character and how they conduct themselves morally in society.
I certainly do not hate people who are homophobic. I don't even dislike them because I'd be judging them solely on one belief, when in retrospect other aspects of them could be very nice. At the same time I am extremely opinionated about my beliefs in not judging by 'labels'. Therefore my belief will no doubt clash against someone who is completely on a polar opposite. If not in speech then in thought and even then, it can show in behaviour.
I therefore, feel the need to be simply polite to people but that is as far as it may go. I am completely against discrimination or predjudice in any fashion whatsoever.
People live as they see fit, as is life.
Monday, 16 June 2008
Tuesday, 10 June 2008
My boob is itchy.
It really is. Occasionally I get the itchy tit. What's worse if both boobs are itchy: I look as if I'm trying to rub my nipples in order to turn myself on. Luckily I'm in the vicinity of my own room which is a relief. If I was in the call centre casually pinching my nipples and scratching my breasts fiercly then either the men will find it somewhat amusing and/or the women who know I'm gay will just think I'm a desperate lesbian who is getting off on herself because she has no one to get off with.
I was so bored at work today I decided to seize a few mints (because I was sure I had bad breath at one point) from the reception area. I started casually sucking on them then had this absolute genious idea to use my most valued professional art pens to do some kind of eccentric design on one of them. I ended up drawing spots on it in brown and then colouring the rest of it dark green. Me being me then decided it would be rather amusing to write on a piece of paper 'Dinasaur egg. £5 to touch. Please do not move' and put it on one of the water coollers (obviously along with the designated mint). The rest of my evening was followed with eyeing people's reactions every time they casually went for a drink. Most people just screwed their face in confusion and walked off. I did indeed still find that rather hilarious in some sordid way or another.
After that I decided it would be quite the turn to wear my sunglasses during call time. The majority of people did the same screwing-face expression as they walked past/saw me from a distance. I was quite happy eating Skittles and talking to people over the phone who 'expressed an interest in Barnardos work after replying to an ad campaign'.
Seriously sometime's I think members of the public are totally nuts. You know, screw loose's everywhere. I mean, 'the lights are on but nobody's home' phrase takes immediate effect when you work in a call centre ladies and gentlemen. Usually you come across the same old drone 'No, she's/he's/it's not here at the moment. Can I take a message?'. You will also come across the wives who are paranoid that they're husbands are cheating on them and that you are in fact that secret lover ('Uh..who is this speaking may I ask?'). Sometimes I have the complete compulsion to reply:
'Oh, I'm your husbands sugarmama. You know, everytime you weren't there, I was. Everytime your bedsheets were messed up, it was me screaming in delight. Everytime your husband was 'at the gym', we were working out together'
You also get the answerphones with children who have recorded the messages. Even worse, the parents AND the children recording the messages. Whenever you hear some kind of answerphone message like that, there is the assumption that Mr & Mrs. Parsons family unit is completely solidified and problem-free when really, behind that 'Mum, Dad and Chllloooeee Parson isn't here now, but leave a message after the beep!', it's more like 'Muuuummmmm, why was Dad in the shower with that weird lady with long blond hair?' or 'Dad, why does Mummy have a big thing that vibrates' or even worse 'Dad, why was Mum in our room with another lady naked'.
All in all, I really do like working where I work. There are many different perks, but the main perk is that you are a front-observer of the general British public. From phone responses I would say that:
60% of people are depressed/pessimistic
10% always have screaming kids in the background somewhereanother 10% would like to burn charity fundraiser callers such as ourselves
5% would rather support the 'National institute for Ants' or something equally as
5% actually have no money and on a debt management scheme/bankrupt
8% are paranoid about who the hell is calling them at this time of day/night
2% are unusually optimistic and HAPPY that you have called them. Those people either need a better way of life or have almost mastered ultimate inner contentment or happiness...or on drugs.
That is all ladies and gentlefolk.
It's been a lovely day.
I was so bored at work today I decided to seize a few mints (because I was sure I had bad breath at one point) from the reception area. I started casually sucking on them then had this absolute genious idea to use my most valued professional art pens to do some kind of eccentric design on one of them. I ended up drawing spots on it in brown and then colouring the rest of it dark green. Me being me then decided it would be rather amusing to write on a piece of paper 'Dinasaur egg. £5 to touch. Please do not move' and put it on one of the water coollers (obviously along with the designated mint). The rest of my evening was followed with eyeing people's reactions every time they casually went for a drink. Most people just screwed their face in confusion and walked off. I did indeed still find that rather hilarious in some sordid way or another.
After that I decided it would be quite the turn to wear my sunglasses during call time. The majority of people did the same screwing-face expression as they walked past/saw me from a distance. I was quite happy eating Skittles and talking to people over the phone who 'expressed an interest in Barnardos work after replying to an ad campaign'.
Seriously sometime's I think members of the public are totally nuts. You know, screw loose's everywhere. I mean, 'the lights are on but nobody's home' phrase takes immediate effect when you work in a call centre ladies and gentlemen. Usually you come across the same old drone 'No, she's/he's/it's not here at the moment. Can I take a message?'. You will also come across the wives who are paranoid that they're husbands are cheating on them and that you are in fact that secret lover ('Uh..who is this speaking may I ask?'). Sometimes I have the complete compulsion to reply:
'Oh, I'm your husbands sugarmama. You know, everytime you weren't there, I was. Everytime your bedsheets were messed up, it was me screaming in delight. Everytime your husband was 'at the gym', we were working out together'
You also get the answerphones with children who have recorded the messages. Even worse, the parents AND the children recording the messages. Whenever you hear some kind of answerphone message like that, there is the assumption that Mr & Mrs. Parsons family unit is completely solidified and problem-free when really, behind that 'Mum, Dad and Chllloooeee Parson isn't here now, but leave a message after the beep!', it's more like 'Muuuummmmm, why was Dad in the shower with that weird lady with long blond hair?' or 'Dad, why does Mummy have a big thing that vibrates' or even worse 'Dad, why was Mum in our room with another lady naked'.
All in all, I really do like working where I work. There are many different perks, but the main perk is that you are a front-observer of the general British public. From phone responses I would say that:
60% of people are depressed/pessimistic
10% always have screaming kids in the background somewhereanother 10% would like to burn charity fundraiser callers such as ourselves
5% would rather support the 'National institute for Ants' or something equally as
5% actually have no money and on a debt management scheme/bankrupt
8% are paranoid about who the hell is calling them at this time of day/night
2% are unusually optimistic and HAPPY that you have called them. Those people either need a better way of life or have almost mastered ultimate inner contentment or happiness...or on drugs.
That is all ladies and gentlefolk.
It's been a lovely day.
Saturday, 7 June 2008
My invention that is better than any weight loss fad.
I reached out for box of cereals and coolly poured some into my bowl then covered it with some semi-skimmed milk. I knew I wasn't going to enjoy this but alas, I needed to eat anyway. I started scooping up the cereals and ate as much as I could before putting the bowl to one side and sitting back for a few seconds to relax. I'd eaten it quickly because I knew my body needed the vitamin and general healthy intake. Instinctively I knew that I had to stop eating because I felt that my digestive system could not take anymore.
I got up and put the bowl in the sink, what was left of the cereals back up on top of the fridge and the milk in the fridge itself. I stood there pondering whilst looking at my Twix bar lying there on top of the ham. 'Shall I eat that now?' I thought whilst tapping my foot lightly. 'No, what's the point?'. I close the fridge and then open the freezer door underneath, pull out the top drawer and pick out my Ben & Jerry's chocolate chip icecream (My favourite flavour of ice cream may I add). I pose the question again but once again, dismiss it easily with 'no, not now'.
I still down and decide that I'm going to write. Nothing indepth but something that is interesting to think about.
See the reason why I just cannot be bothered with many foods right now like chocolate or crisps or icecream or any junk food for that matter is because I can't taste it. I'm just recovering from a cold in which the majority of it has affected only really my throat and my nose and sinuses. Everything is clogged up and because of that off course I cannot taste or smell a single thing.
See though, this got me thinking. We as human beings like different foods so much not really because of the texture so much but because of the taste off course. We have individual preferences on what we like and what we don't and most of us love junk food in one way or another. I certainly do, especially salty snacks and chocolate. But right now I couldn't give a dam about what I'm eating because I simply cannot taste a single thing! So what's the point in opening my Ben & Jerry's icecream now (which may I add, cost quite a lot for a small tub of icecream) when I cannot have the pleasure of enjoying the taste...
This off course led me to the conclusion of how good it would be if someone could invent something that would wipe out the taste senses temporarily. Perhaps like some kind of pill that a person can take. I know that right now I don't care what I eat because I simply cannot taste anything so nothing is that pleasurable right now. All I know is that I must eat to keep myself alive so imagine if something was invented like a type of drink even, to have that effect on the tastebuds. We'd all be healthy, probably super-healthy, because we wouldn't care what we ate as long as we stayed alive at least!
Maybe I should patent this idea and then meet up with a couple of research scientists!
There you go! The way to getting slim and healthy without the need of fad diets and restrictions!
I got up and put the bowl in the sink, what was left of the cereals back up on top of the fridge and the milk in the fridge itself. I stood there pondering whilst looking at my Twix bar lying there on top of the ham. 'Shall I eat that now?' I thought whilst tapping my foot lightly. 'No, what's the point?'. I close the fridge and then open the freezer door underneath, pull out the top drawer and pick out my Ben & Jerry's chocolate chip icecream (My favourite flavour of ice cream may I add). I pose the question again but once again, dismiss it easily with 'no, not now'.
I still down and decide that I'm going to write. Nothing indepth but something that is interesting to think about.
See the reason why I just cannot be bothered with many foods right now like chocolate or crisps or icecream or any junk food for that matter is because I can't taste it. I'm just recovering from a cold in which the majority of it has affected only really my throat and my nose and sinuses. Everything is clogged up and because of that off course I cannot taste or smell a single thing.
See though, this got me thinking. We as human beings like different foods so much not really because of the texture so much but because of the taste off course. We have individual preferences on what we like and what we don't and most of us love junk food in one way or another. I certainly do, especially salty snacks and chocolate. But right now I couldn't give a dam about what I'm eating because I simply cannot taste a single thing! So what's the point in opening my Ben & Jerry's icecream now (which may I add, cost quite a lot for a small tub of icecream) when I cannot have the pleasure of enjoying the taste...
This off course led me to the conclusion of how good it would be if someone could invent something that would wipe out the taste senses temporarily. Perhaps like some kind of pill that a person can take. I know that right now I don't care what I eat because I simply cannot taste anything so nothing is that pleasurable right now. All I know is that I must eat to keep myself alive so imagine if something was invented like a type of drink even, to have that effect on the tastebuds. We'd all be healthy, probably super-healthy, because we wouldn't care what we ate as long as we stayed alive at least!
Maybe I should patent this idea and then meet up with a couple of research scientists!
There you go! The way to getting slim and healthy without the need of fad diets and restrictions!
Wednesday, 4 June 2008
The 'irony' of it.
I'm at home sitting on my bed cross legged listening to Omarion's 'Icebox' track. I was watching Youtube videos of George Sampson (The young streetdancer who recently won 'Britain's got talent') when I saw a clip of him dancing in a street in somewhere like Manchester with that particular song in the background.
I'm addicted to it now. I love R'N'B. The song is fantastic.
I have a cold. I think I've sneezed almost ten times since I woke up a few hours ago and my throat is tickly as well at the roof of my mouth. The irony of it all is (if it is irony) that I forgot to schedule my hours for this week so I have no choice but to stay home for the week (which is annoying, as I do need the money very desperately now) and at the same time this cold has developed. I guess that is a good thing though. This time out can be the time where I can get over this stupid virus. I'd rather work or study then have a cold. I think anyone would.
You'll be happy to know that I am perfectly fine now, in regards to my emotional state. The girl I liked so much, I have got over. My feelings are generally content now. I don't wake up in the morning yearning for someone being next to me. In fact if I be truelly honest with myself I do prefer it this way. I'm content and I can think clearly now. There's not a single person that I'm constantly thinking of. There is not any particular situation I am concerned off which involves a girl that I like in any way. Off course I do wish for that special someone at times, but at the moment I believe I am o.k.
I have to think about my career. This is one thing that is constantly on my mind all the time. I'm considering going for some kind of I.T internship. I once phoned up for one of those and I was accepted in doing it, but I was living down south at the time and I got asked to go to London for it. Now that I am in London I can possibly consider it. I just need more money and I am not making enough here however I really do like the atmosphere at this job a lot. The people are great and hospitable. There are always new entrants literally every week that I can build friendship's with. It's nice.
We shall see, but I really wish I had a solid plan. It's starting to get to me now. I really want to know what to do. A lot of people are saying 'oh Nada, you are only twenty two years old, your young!'. Understandable, but next year I will be twenty three, then twenty four, then twenty five then before I know it I am thirty five and not got anywhere. I need to get somewhere in life. I want to get somewhere in life where I am proud of my efforts.
Well for now, I shall do some research and then start making solid decisions.
I'm addicted to it now. I love R'N'B. The song is fantastic.
I have a cold. I think I've sneezed almost ten times since I woke up a few hours ago and my throat is tickly as well at the roof of my mouth. The irony of it all is (if it is irony) that I forgot to schedule my hours for this week so I have no choice but to stay home for the week (which is annoying, as I do need the money very desperately now) and at the same time this cold has developed. I guess that is a good thing though. This time out can be the time where I can get over this stupid virus. I'd rather work or study then have a cold. I think anyone would.
You'll be happy to know that I am perfectly fine now, in regards to my emotional state. The girl I liked so much, I have got over. My feelings are generally content now. I don't wake up in the morning yearning for someone being next to me. In fact if I be truelly honest with myself I do prefer it this way. I'm content and I can think clearly now. There's not a single person that I'm constantly thinking of. There is not any particular situation I am concerned off which involves a girl that I like in any way. Off course I do wish for that special someone at times, but at the moment I believe I am o.k.
I have to think about my career. This is one thing that is constantly on my mind all the time. I'm considering going for some kind of I.T internship. I once phoned up for one of those and I was accepted in doing it, but I was living down south at the time and I got asked to go to London for it. Now that I am in London I can possibly consider it. I just need more money and I am not making enough here however I really do like the atmosphere at this job a lot. The people are great and hospitable. There are always new entrants literally every week that I can build friendship's with. It's nice.
We shall see, but I really wish I had a solid plan. It's starting to get to me now. I really want to know what to do. A lot of people are saying 'oh Nada, you are only twenty two years old, your young!'. Understandable, but next year I will be twenty three, then twenty four, then twenty five then before I know it I am thirty five and not got anywhere. I need to get somewhere in life. I want to get somewhere in life where I am proud of my efforts.
Well for now, I shall do some research and then start making solid decisions.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)