My boob is itchy.

It really is. Occasionally I get the itchy tit. What's worse if both boobs are itchy: I look as if I'm trying to rub my nipples in order to turn myself on. Luckily I'm in the vicinity of my own room which is a relief. If I was in the call centre casually pinching my nipples and scratching my breasts fiercly then either the men will find it somewhat amusing and/or the women who know I'm gay will just think I'm a desperate lesbian who is getting off on herself because she has no one to get off with.

I was so bored at work today I decided to seize a few mints (because I was sure I had bad breath at one point) from the reception area. I started casually sucking on them then had this absolute genious idea to use my most valued professional art pens to do some kind of eccentric design on one of them. I ended up drawing spots on it in brown and then colouring the rest of it dark green. Me being me then decided it would be rather amusing to write on a piece of paper 'Dinasaur egg. £5 to touch. Please do not move' and put it on one of the water coollers (obviously along with the designated mint). The rest of my evening was followed with eyeing people's reactions every time they casually went for a drink. Most people just screwed their face in confusion and walked off. I did indeed still find that rather hilarious in some sordid way or another.
After that I decided it would be quite the turn to wear my sunglasses during call time. The majority of people did the same screwing-face expression as they walked past/saw me from a distance. I was quite happy eating Skittles and talking to people over the phone who 'expressed an interest in Barnardos work after replying to an ad campaign'.

Seriously sometime's I think members of the public are totally nuts. You know, screw loose's everywhere. I mean, 'the lights are on but nobody's home' phrase takes immediate effect when you work in a call centre ladies and gentlemen. Usually you come across the same old drone 'No, she's/he's/it's not here at the moment. Can I take a message?'. You will also come across the wives who are paranoid that they're husbands are cheating on them and that you are in fact that secret lover ('Uh..who is this speaking may I ask?'). Sometimes I have the complete compulsion to reply:

'Oh, I'm your husbands sugarmama. You know, everytime you weren't there, I was. Everytime your bedsheets were messed up, it was me screaming in delight. Everytime your husband was 'at the gym', we were working out together'

You also get the answerphones with children who have recorded the messages. Even worse, the parents AND the children recording the messages. Whenever you hear some kind of answerphone message like that, there is the assumption that Mr & Mrs. Parsons family unit is completely solidified and problem-free when really, behind that 'Mum, Dad and Chllloooeee Parson isn't here now, but leave a message after the beep!', it's more like 'Muuuummmmm, why was Dad in the shower with that weird lady with long blond hair?' or 'Dad, why does Mummy have a big thing that vibrates' or even worse 'Dad, why was Mum in our room with another lady naked'.

All in all, I really do like working where I work. There are many different perks, but the main perk is that you are a front-observer of the general British public. From phone responses I would say that:

60% of people are depressed/pessimistic
10% always have screaming kids in the background somewhereanother 10% would like to burn charity fundraiser callers such as ourselves
5% would rather support the 'National institute for Ants' or something equally as
5% actually have no money and on a debt management scheme/bankrupt
8% are paranoid about who the hell is calling them at this time of day/night
2% are unusually optimistic and HAPPY that you have called them. Those people either need a better way of life or have almost mastered ultimate inner contentment or happiness...or on drugs.

That is all ladies and gentlefolk.

It's been a lovely day.