Attachment.

Well there's a word for you.

What conjures up your thoughts when you hear that? Perhaps a physical resemblance like holding someone's hand. Perhaps an attachment to a brilliant idea that you thought of. Perhaps the link to a technical piece of equipment.

'Human attachment'.

Something we all experience at every waking moment in our lives. We are attached to people, we have to be. We rely on it for the process and distinction of information. We rely on attachment, perhaps for contentment purposes: so that we know there is someone with us in times of any need.

But do we really have to be attached to people all the time? What is the real purpose of attachment and why do we do it obsessively at times?

See I don't even know why I'm really writing this because it's such a broad topic. Philosophers wouldn't bother reading this because what I'm saying probably interlinks so many generalisations that there is no point in breaking anything down of the aforementioned paragraphs and evaluating it. Therefore I'm going to focus on one particular 'type' of attachment that I personally question a lot and seek to unravel within myself.

That's 'love'.

Love off course rains down in many forms. I could be talking about love between lovers, love between friends, love between enemies, love between family, love between hate etc etc.

Jane Austin was a well-known writer and philosopher. She wrote on the lines of twenty- something books focusing on the notion of 'Love' and what it entails. I'm therefore guessing that talking about 'love' in choppy paragraphs here certainly does not establish any answer or kindle any well-rounded conclusions for what I am seeking.

My problem with love and attachment is that I seem to cling on quickly. Whether it's to do with the past or the fact that it's been nurtured in me is a different question. When I know I like a person a lot, I feel a lot for them on many levels be it emotional, mental and physical even. I can stop eating, my thoughts become infested with visions of that person and everything they've shown of themselves. Off course everyone develops that reaction, it's generally human nature when in regards to lust and love. But for me, because I yearn companionship so much, the moment there is a slight clue or hint that it could be offered to me, I jump at the chance head first. I've recently experienced that and I was sorely regretful when the opportunity most probably arose, and I did not take that 'leap of faith' as it's said. It was then I realised how much I yearned something like this to happen to me. I wanted it ridiculously, and yes, I still do. Not with the same person, but for it to just...happen: For me to kiss someone I really have feelings for and to feel the ultimate pleasure of being in that single moment. The divinity of it must be rare and unique when it does happen between two people.

This morning I woke up and I felt a sense of loneliness once again. Mainly because I was learning to disattach myself from someone I ended up being fond of so much, and yes, I am over the worse of it. I still reminisce, but I'm disciplining myself softly to think positive and logically: It is working. I'm letting 'nature take it's course' as they say, but also learning to believe in the fact that people do come and go in your life and these things are inevitable.

You have to let go.

This is what I mean about love and human attachment. This is why I'm considering easy meditation, so that I can calm myself on the inside and out and learn to deal with this in a different angle. A friend of mine said that she does a form of meditation whereby you learn to deal with attachment issues by looking inwardly. I guess it's all about taking an objective approach to these things rather then dealing with it in a difficult manner like I do.

In fact, right now I will do some research and start meditation classes. I believe it will help me move forward in the right direction and calm down a bit.

Is what I feel a need or a necessity. Methinks right now, it's a necessity. There are more important things in life to contend with then harbouring the mind with idealogies of love/lust/affection etc.

Idealism and fantasy can become dangerous.

I shall learn to strike a balance between all this.

In regards to the girl I liked so much, she never got back to me. I wrote her a message explaining exactly how I felt, and what I wanted her to know. She is yet to reply. It's a lost cause but instead of feeling hurt and rejected I'm certainly learning from the experience in a more positive light.