This is hard.

I decided to go out into London today to walk around. I was spending far too much time just sitting and moping around like I have done the past few days or so. My sleep pattern has got weird. It's like a total reverse now. I sleep in the day and stay awake in the night.

So I ventured out today in the hope that if I am around crowds and masses of people I would feel more intune and buzzed up by the atmosphere. For a while I did, and it was great walking around Leicester Square, Soho then Piccadily for a bit. I bought a comedic film titled 'Throw Momma off the train' which my Mum claims it to be quite hilarious. I need that comedic factor right now.

Everything was great and all good and I was listeining to some funky music but slowly, slowly my mood winded down and on the way home I was finding it difficult to smile and remain laid back and relaxed. I knew that when I would get home, I'd have to contend with four fucking walls, no one to speak to and the internet which I am starting to hate because I'm literally forcing myself into reclusion it seems. Off course it's up to me what I do and what I don't do in this world, and I really did want to venture out clubbing tonight with friends and some good music, but alas, no friends texted me.

So here I am, back on the fucking internet writing in this blog because it's the only thing that allows me to release something and not scream instead. Screaming is not so good, not in an estate like this where the flats are literally packed and blocked like lego next to and on top of each other. I feel sorry for all the permanent residents around here who have to be relatively quiet most of the time. I feel even more sorry for the sex addicts out there who are loud, I mean, they have to consider the neighbours. Perhaps they just stick cotton-wool in their mouths to keep it quiet.

Oh I don't know do I.

But this is hard. Keeping a positive insight on things is not easy. I'm not trying to force myself to smile, I'm just trying to take this all at a better angle.

I might as well watch that film.